i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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