I just pynch a tree in the face
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize