I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
