I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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