i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
