the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
