it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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