i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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