Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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