WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
