Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
