I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
