HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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