I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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