His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
