But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
