yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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