what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize