Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I AM VODKA MAN
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
