if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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