I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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