just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
