I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
