eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize