so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
