You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
