Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
In America we eat man semen.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
