if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
