i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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