I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize