proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
