I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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