it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
