I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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