I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
