I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
