someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My balls are so social today.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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