nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
