tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize