dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
