This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
