every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My penis needs a shock collar
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
