Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
