You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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