i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I love having hate sex.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
