I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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