She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
