I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
