Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
