dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
