Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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