i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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