using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
