i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize