why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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