Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
