I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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