he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
