I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
