I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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