loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
