he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
