Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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