If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
