The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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