You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
