I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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