im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
