the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
