I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
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