May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
