you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
