I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
high people should be assigned attendants
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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