I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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