I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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