It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
