I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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