my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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