she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I need to calm my uterus...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
