The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
