We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
