I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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