She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
